Better Conversations Start with Better Listening
Why Listening Matters
Right now, when emotions run high and uncertainty is everywhere, listening is more important than ever. It’s not just a courtesy—it’s a way to understand different perspectives and find a path forward together. When you slow down and really listen, you create the conditions for clarity, trust, and workable solutions.
I often review listening with people because, quite honestly, it's one of the hardest skills to do well. There are many ways to listen, and many reasons we do it.
Step 1: Know Why You’re Listening
Start by asking yourself:
What is the purpose of my listening in this moment?
Why is it important that I listen right now?
What kind of presence of mind is needed?
Am I listening to carry out instructions?
To comprehend information?
Because someone needs support?
To help resolve a conflict?
Being intentional about your listening can save time and build trust. People are drawn to great listeners because they feel valued, understood, and safe in their presence.
Here are a few questions to prepare yourself:
What is needed of me—advice, action, presence, understanding?
Am I listening to respond later or simply to witness someone’s experience?
Is this a time for questions or for quiet reflection?
Listening Is Not About Solving
When someone brings us a problem, our instinct is often to fix it. But more often than not, people don’t need solutions. They need space. They want to hear themselves think out loud. They want courage to move forward, not a blueprint from someone else. Listening helps people access their own clarity.
Understand Your Listening Style
Authors Rebecca Minehart, Benjamin Symon, and Laura Rock outline four common listening styles. Knowing your default can help you shift when needed:
Task-oriented: Focuses on efficiency and key information
Analytical: Seeks to assess a problem from a neutral, logical point of view
Relational: Tunes into emotional undercurrents and aims to build connection
Critical: Evaluates the speaker and their message with discernment
We often default to a style based on the situation or our relationship to the speaker. For example, it’s easier to listen relationally when you're not personally invested in the outcome. But when there’s a deadline looming and a team member isn’t grasping the needs of a client, it’s easy to slip into a critical stance.
Awareness gives you choice.
What Is the Need?
Sometimes listening is about helping someone work through a decision. In that case, reflect what they’re thinking, feeling, and doing to support their clarity.
Other times, someone just needs presence and comfort. Your job is to show them they’re not alone.
In a work environment, listening is key to moving projects forward. It creates space for collaboration and alignment. It also helps surface good ideas and build stronger relationships. And when you’re facing someone with a different perspective, active listening becomes a bridge—one that doesn’t require agreement, just understanding.
But remember: you don’t have to be in “active listening” mode all the time. It’s one tool among many. Use it when you want to be intentional about how you connect.
Practices from Motivational Interviewing and Amy Gallo
These three habits help deepen your listening:
Resist the righting reflex – Avoid the urge to correct or fix.
Ask open-ended questions – Encourage exploration, not just yes/no answers.
Reflect what you hear – Show the speaker you’re paying attention and give them a chance to go deeper or clarify.
Listening Involves Your Whole Self
Robin Abrahams and Boris Groysberg from Harvard Business School describe active listening as having three dimensions:
Cognitive: Pay attention to both the explicit and implicit messages. Take in and integrate what you’re hearing.
Emotional: Stay calm and compassionate. Notice and manage your own reactions, whether it's boredom, impatience, or judgment.
Behavioral: Show your engagement through your body language and responses—make it clear that you're interested.
These aspects work together. You can’t just sit still and nod. You need to bring your attention, emotional regulation, and nonverbal cues into alignment. That may mean silencing distractions, taking a few deep breaths, and checking your emotional state before engaging. How you listen shapes how the speaker feels.
What Makes Listening Effective?
To wrap up, here are a few reminders of what good listening includes:
It’s active.
It’s about absorbing, not reacting.
It often means speaking less.
It shows curiosity and respect.
It includes feedback when needed.
It makes the speaker feel heard.
It honors the speaker’s inner wisdom.
More questions to ask yourself:
Why do I need to listen right now?
What is needed?
Who is the focus of the conversation?
Am I here for me—or for the other person?
What might get in the way of my attention? (Inner thoughts, worries, discomfort, distractions)
Am I still listening?
Have I already jumped to a solution or assumed I know what they need?
What am I missing?
Can I slow down, be curious, and ask questions?
The Techniques of Active Listening
Key techniques include:
Ask open-ended questions – Start with what, how, or tell me more to invite deeper reflection.
Reflect content, goals, feelings, or ideas – This helps the person feel understood and gives them space to refine their thoughts.
Affirm and validate – Highlight something meaningful in what they’ve shared. This shows confidence in their wisdom and encourages them to keep going.
Summarize key points – Pull together what you’ve heard to ensure shared understanding.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s presence. The more you practice listening with curiosity, the more naturally it becomes part of how you show up—for others and for yourself.
